monkeys are not your friend

[ghini]

A friend of a friend is in the peace corps and sent this to them:

"one of my fellow peacecorps volunteers headed down to Yunan over the winter break. she's a sweet girl from the midwest with a great sense of humor, deep sensitivity, and grand curiosity. i'm not going to give her name, but i swear to you that this really happened.

like most visitors to the area, she wanted to do a little bit of that ecotourism that's so popular with the kids nowadays and she headed into the jungle with some other travelers and a few guides. as most of you know, china's got some monkeys and most of these monkeys are shy around humans. we're practically family, right? my friend and her group encountered a few monkeys chillin out in the wilderness. one of the monkeys crawled on her back and the guides started freaking out. she tried to let them know that everything was cool- she likes monkeys and isn't afraid of them. laughing and enjoying the attention, she was startled when the monkey moved quickly from her back to her front. he crawled right up to her face, stuck his dick in her mouth and started facefucking her. the monkey knew what he was doing. the guides knew what he was doing. shortly after penetration, my friend knew what the monkey was doing.

she laughs it off because she's cool like that, but she writes to our medical officer to let her know what's up. the medical officer replies quickly to tell her that it's not funny to tell these kind of lies and not to waste her time with jokes. so my friend emails her again and says 'this really happened!' well, the dr. doesn't know what do to so she calls washington to ask what the monkeyfacerape policy is. my friend gets flown to chengdu for a full exam, including such charming questions as: 'did he ejaculate in your mouth?' (the answer is no, by the way. in fact, she got the monkey off before the monkey got off and no seed was spilled).

my friend is fine. surprisingly she's not even emotionally scarred. i would be brushing my teeth with bleach for a week straight, but i'm kind of a baby like that- i know i'm lame, but monkey dick in the mouth would upset my tender and fragile psyche.

this really happened. it's not an urban legend. i didn't make it up.

don't let this discourage you from visiting this great country, but be careful when them monkeys jump on yr. back-

after all, you sure do have a pretty mouth...

peace from the far east,
dr. cockroach & baby nightsoil"

So next time you think your day sucks, remember you haven't been faceraped by a monkey...

Comments

[efire360.livejournal.com]

Tee hee hee. No, that is not the reason I don't like monkeys, but that's a good one to add to the list! Thanks for the giggles at work today!