Road Safety Theatre

The setting: Last night, going to the video store
The players: Me, stacyspacey and litovka
The stage : My new car

We head out to Videodrome to rent Roxanne, another movie litovka hasn't seen because she's a cultural illiterate. I drive, they both climb into the back seat and make chauffer and taxi jokes.

Stacey: The thing I like about the backseat is that you don't have to put your seatbelt on.

Diana: Yeah!

Me: Put your goddamn seatbelts on!

Them: Awwww!

Me: Put them on or I'll keep doing this!

Slams on brakes. A pair of thuds and screams come from the back seat.

Me: (under my breath) Dumbasses.

Houseguests

I've volunteered to babysit my friend Holly's twin weiner dogs for a week while she is in Amsterdam. She seems a bit paranoid:

MuppetMix: Diana is volunteering to play with them all day monday
MuppetMix: there seems to be not shortage of people to keep them entertained
UTLawChik: That's because my puppies are cool.
MuppetMix: possibly if I put them in the freezer
MuppetMix: but aside from that, no
MuppetMix: they're dorks
MuppetMix: all puppies are dorks
UTLawChik: My puppies are most assuredly not dorks. And do *not* put my puppies in the freezer! Do not get them drunk. Do not dye their fur. Do not cut their fur into funny designs. Do not get them stoned/drunk/high or into any other altered state. Do not pimp them out. Do not dress them in funny clothes and take pictures of them.
UTLawChik: Do not pierce any part of my puppies.
MuppetMix: I won't
MuppetMix: They will be safe and secure
UTLawChik: Do not allow anyone else to do any of the above.
MuppetMix: But they are most definitely not cool.
MuppetMix: They are puppy-nerds
UTLawChik: Not.
MuppetMix: They are like Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles
UTLawChik: Not.

Updates:

saluki Do not put my puppies into any kind of appliance, small or large, whether that appliance is designed for heating or cooling.
travis blenders are fine though.
travis as long as you dont ad booze
tigol An igloo cooler doesn't really count as an appliance, right?
saluki Do not put my puppies into *ANY* kind of appliance.
tigol An igloo cooler full of jello is not an appliance.
--> saluki smacks kay on the basis of principle.
--> tigol suggests bathing the puppies in the toilet