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Nov. 6th, 2001 02:08 amI had to explain a good chunk of male-female interaction to a friend tonight. She had been on a few dates with this guy who she found nice, but was in no way attracted to. Instead of a quick "well, it's been fun. Let's just be friends," two or three dates ago, she has been trying to let him down gently.
THIS NEVER WORKS.
So tonight as he ramps up to make The Move, she launches into a long, drawn out, logical and sincere attempt at "lets be friends." The thing is, this talk is like pulling off a band-aid. It's painful, but much better to get it over quickly than agonize over it in stages. She does not realize this. She tries to convince him of the inherent benefits of friendship, etc.
There are two things women either don't realize or don't pay attention to in the "lets be friends" talk. First, it fails to give us any feedback. "Lets be friends" translates to "I don't want to sleep with you." This is fine, but without a reason it implies that we are lacking in all departments. It implies that we are inherently flawed in all facets. Calling us stinky, fat or dumb is fine. We can take a bath, go to a gym and read a book. Don't tell the man anything and it implies he must be stinky, fat dumb, ugly, and everything else. If you don't like a man, have the courage to tell him why.
Second, it is usually, it's more for the woman's benefit. They use it so they won't feel guilty for having dumped us. A guy could go home and commit suicide because the girl turned him down, but if she is wearing her protective friendship-cocoon then she avoids any guilt.
Deep in the hind brain of a man, when it's over the id immediately screams "NEXT! Now serving Number 28!" He will be thinking of the next woman to make a move on before she has even finished talking. Don't delay things by launching into a long explanation. Make it quick. Use charts, graphs or a Powerpoint presentation if needed, but end things quickly. The cute waitress I saw at dinner may still be around... :)
THIS NEVER WORKS.
So tonight as he ramps up to make The Move, she launches into a long, drawn out, logical and sincere attempt at "lets be friends." The thing is, this talk is like pulling off a band-aid. It's painful, but much better to get it over quickly than agonize over it in stages. She does not realize this. She tries to convince him of the inherent benefits of friendship, etc.
There are two things women either don't realize or don't pay attention to in the "lets be friends" talk. First, it fails to give us any feedback. "Lets be friends" translates to "I don't want to sleep with you." This is fine, but without a reason it implies that we are lacking in all departments. It implies that we are inherently flawed in all facets. Calling us stinky, fat or dumb is fine. We can take a bath, go to a gym and read a book. Don't tell the man anything and it implies he must be stinky, fat dumb, ugly, and everything else. If you don't like a man, have the courage to tell him why.
Second, it is usually, it's more for the woman's benefit. They use it so they won't feel guilty for having dumped us. A guy could go home and commit suicide because the girl turned him down, but if she is wearing her protective friendship-cocoon then she avoids any guilt.
Deep in the hind brain of a man, when it's over the id immediately screams "NEXT! Now serving Number 28!" He will be thinking of the next woman to make a move on before she has even finished talking. Don't delay things by launching into a long explanation. Make it quick. Use charts, graphs or a Powerpoint presentation if needed, but end things quickly. The cute waitress I saw at dinner may still be around... :)
