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Story Time.
Sep. 27th, 2001 11:55 pmBack in high school my mom was dating her current husband, my stepfather, Peter. Peter was then referred to as 'The Mad Cuban' because he was Cuban and insane. Still is. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The point is, Peter had a cabin in north Georgia and every weekend he and my mom would head up there. Leaving me and my brother alone in a house with pizza money, a heated pool and an unlocked liquor cabinet. It didn't take long before all of my friends started spending their weekends there. My mom started leaving earlier and earlier until she and Peter worked half days at work on Friday and left straight from the office, returning Sunday evening. My friends started heading straight from school to my place.
As the year progressed, my mom noticed the radical drop in the quantity of her booze, and locked it away. Luckily by then, my friend Sunshine was dating a 21-year-old guy named Dave. Dave became the weekly booze getter for us. Our parties continued to increase in scale and depravity, hitting a climax the summer between junior and senior years when she announced she was taking a weeks vacation to Charleston with Peter and my little brother.
As this week progressed, most of my friends would take to stumbling home at 5am, being in bed when their parents checked on them in the mornings. We would sleep all day, then they would have dinner with the folks and head back to my place for more teens run wild. Massive drunkenness, skinny dipping, marathon games of asshole and the like.
Around the fifth night in, someone discovered the 5 lb. bag of Ghiradelli chocolate chips my mom had bought at Sams club. We wound up eating them drunkenly into the night.
I awoke the next afternoon to survey the damages. I stumbled into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Beer and liquor bottles littered the kitchen. One of my friends and her boyfriend slept naked on the living room couch. Suddenly, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I peered out the front window. My mom's best friend Pam. She had apparently been sent by my mom to make sure I was OK and didn't need a ride to Kroger or anything.
I flipped into overdrive, throwing a blanket over the naked people on the couch, hiding liquor and beer bottles and generally trying to make it look like orangutans hadn't had a party there the night before. I had things slightly acceptable in the minute it took Pam to negotiate our front steps. She came in, saw people crashed on the couch, pizza boxes everywhere, etc. We made small talk for a minute or two, I offered her a cup of coffee, she accepted and we hung out in the kitchen. Just when I think I am about to pull this off, the sliding door to the porch opens. My friend Chris is there.
Chris is buck naked. His hair hangs in his face, so he sees nothing. Half of him is bright red from sleeping in the sun all day. The other half is white, waffle printed from the deck chairs and dotted with little brown blobs of melted chocolate chips.
"Is that coffee I smell?" Chris asks...
"Yeah. It will be ready in a minute." I respond in a state of panic.
"Cool. I'm going to jump in the pool. Call me when it's ready." and he was gone.
The door closes and I turn to look at Pam. I'm convinced I'm about to get a full blast of that righteous fury only moms can produce. Pam has a smirk on her face. I'm terrified. She looks around her for a minute, pauses, looks around again.
"You know, it's a good thing I didn't see that..."
"YES! YES IT IS!" I'm flooded with relief.
"I think I'll take a rain check on that coffee," she says and heads back to her car.
Pam drives off as I go out back to throw coffee mugs at Chris head...
I think part of the reason I escaped was that Pam had a daughter a year older than me and she was just grateful that we didn't hang out with her.
As the year progressed, my mom noticed the radical drop in the quantity of her booze, and locked it away. Luckily by then, my friend Sunshine was dating a 21-year-old guy named Dave. Dave became the weekly booze getter for us. Our parties continued to increase in scale and depravity, hitting a climax the summer between junior and senior years when she announced she was taking a weeks vacation to Charleston with Peter and my little brother.
As this week progressed, most of my friends would take to stumbling home at 5am, being in bed when their parents checked on them in the mornings. We would sleep all day, then they would have dinner with the folks and head back to my place for more teens run wild. Massive drunkenness, skinny dipping, marathon games of asshole and the like.
Around the fifth night in, someone discovered the 5 lb. bag of Ghiradelli chocolate chips my mom had bought at Sams club. We wound up eating them drunkenly into the night.
I awoke the next afternoon to survey the damages. I stumbled into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Beer and liquor bottles littered the kitchen. One of my friends and her boyfriend slept naked on the living room couch. Suddenly, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I peered out the front window. My mom's best friend Pam. She had apparently been sent by my mom to make sure I was OK and didn't need a ride to Kroger or anything.
I flipped into overdrive, throwing a blanket over the naked people on the couch, hiding liquor and beer bottles and generally trying to make it look like orangutans hadn't had a party there the night before. I had things slightly acceptable in the minute it took Pam to negotiate our front steps. She came in, saw people crashed on the couch, pizza boxes everywhere, etc. We made small talk for a minute or two, I offered her a cup of coffee, she accepted and we hung out in the kitchen. Just when I think I am about to pull this off, the sliding door to the porch opens. My friend Chris is there.
Chris is buck naked. His hair hangs in his face, so he sees nothing. Half of him is bright red from sleeping in the sun all day. The other half is white, waffle printed from the deck chairs and dotted with little brown blobs of melted chocolate chips.
"Is that coffee I smell?" Chris asks...
"Yeah. It will be ready in a minute." I respond in a state of panic.
"Cool. I'm going to jump in the pool. Call me when it's ready." and he was gone.
The door closes and I turn to look at Pam. I'm convinced I'm about to get a full blast of that righteous fury only moms can produce. Pam has a smirk on her face. I'm terrified. She looks around her for a minute, pauses, looks around again.
"You know, it's a good thing I didn't see that..."
"YES! YES IT IS!" I'm flooded with relief.
"I think I'll take a rain check on that coffee," she says and heads back to her car.
Pam drives off as I go out back to throw coffee mugs at Chris head...
I think part of the reason I escaped was that Pam had a daughter a year older than me and she was just grateful that we didn't hang out with her.
